Never anger a redhead
by New-Fanfictionaddict
Summary: Lily Evans was always fascinated by pirates. But she didn't want a tragic romance with a privateer. Oh, no. She didn't want to fall in love with a bucaneer: she wanted to BE one. AU. (No love triangles)
1. La del pirata cojo

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter. For Heaven's sake, I don't even own the idea for this AU… It occurred to me while reading **A sword fight or two **and **Treasure of Gryffindor**. I don't own the fragment of the song at the beginning of the chapter, either, or the sentence from "Singin' in the rain" (let's see if someone spots it!). So I only own this permutation of words from the dictionary and Rowling's books.

**Warning: **I'm not a native English speaker, so this is a translation of my fic **Nunca hagas enfadar a una pelirroja. **If you speak Spanish I'd recommend you to read that one; I'm sure it's much better.

**Beta and translation helper: **my mother.

**Dedicated to lumoscrimsom. **

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_Pero si me dan a elegir, _

_Entre todas las vidas yo escojo _

_La del pirata cojo con pata de palo,_

_Con parche en el ojo, con cara de malo…_

_(But if they let me choose, _

_Between every possible life I'd choose_

_That of the pirate with a wooden leg,_

_With an eye patch and an evil look…)_

Joaquín Sabina, "La del pirata cojo"

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It all started at a small tavern at Phoenix Island. Severus and I were having the last drinks we could afford when we heard some port officers talking about the imminent departure of Dumbledore's privateers. We only needed a glance to know that we were thinking the same thing: ships that have spent a long time on shore usually need new crew, specially pirate ships, due to their dangerous lifestyle. It was perfect for us, too. I've already said that we were penniless, and being pirates was our dream since we were kids. Sev's dad was a buccaneer, and during his sporadic visits he loved to tell us about his adventures, filling our young minds with hidden treasures, faraway countries, bold boardings and last minute escapes.

Unfortunately, by the time we were old enough to enlist, even as cabin boys, the pirate's golden era was gone. Every great name had been hanged, killed in battle or, like Dumbledore, had accepted the royal pardon and were almost retired. The only important freebooter who was still active was Voldemort (Lord Voldemort, he liked to call himself, but believe me: he was as much a nobleman as I was a fine lady), and I would _never _join him. Yeah, I know it's a little ironic given that I just said I'd love to be a pirate, but I have morals, and Voldemort was way out of line. Killing a ship's crew in fair fight (ok, maybe the 'fair' part depends on your point of view, but at least some kind of fight!) is acceptable, but slaying an entire village, including old people and children… that's a completely different story. It's that kind of actions that give this noble occupation its bad name.

Long story short, we approached the officials and in less than two rounds we had gathered all the information we needed. Apparently the one in charge of the recruiting process was a person called "The Sorting Hat". It was quite an unusual method, but Dumbledore was known to be really eccentric, so we just supposed it was another one of his anomalies and we didn't worry about it. He was acknowledged as the best buccaneer since Henry Morgan, after all, so who were we to question his methods? Without further hesitation we got on our way.

The moment we stepped into the inn where this "Hat" lived (Hogwarts, I think it was called), we understood why the officials had refused to give us a more detailed description, saying that we just needed the name. Leaning on the bar top was a very small man with the biggest Mexican hat I've ever seen. It had to be him. We approached him, pretty confidently in Severus' case, a little more apprehensively in mine. (His surname could be a big responsibility sometimes, but in cases like this it was a good letter of introduction...) We explained to him that we wanted to enrol. He looked at us with eyes that saw into our very souls and smiled.

-Welcome aboard- he said-. Some fresh ideas are always welcome, and we do need a few more sailors. I think the best will be for Snape to enlist on the Slytherin and the young lady (Lily, right?) on the Gryffindor. The crew on the Slytherin is quite superstitious, and with eyes as green as yours I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to lynch you, saying that you are a witch… and we don't want that to happen, right? Oh, and one more thing: if I were you I'd hurry to get my things and embark, because the vessels are supposed to set sail tomorrow with the first tide.

So that's how in the blink of an eye we found ourselves going to the port, on our way to accomplish a lifelong dream. I have to admit, though, that my enthusiasm was shaded by the disappointment I felt due to the fact that I wasn't going to be on the same ship as Sev. It wasn't the first time we parted ways, obviously (you can't expect every vessel to need two new sailors at the same time!), but I never thought we would have to separate at this point. Together we had decided to be pirates, and together I had always thought we would make it. I found consolation in thinking that we were part of the same fleet, after all, so we probably wouldn't end very far away from each other…

I was musing on that when we ran into a couple of boys who immediately started mocking Severus. They laughed at his clothes, his hair (yeah, it's greasy, but it isn't his fault!), the way he walked… More or less, everything they could think about. I wanted to stop and have a few words with them (and maybe a little more than words), but my friend grabbed my arm and dragged me away from them, saying that they weren't worth our time. Apparently he knew them from a trip several years back, and in his opinion they were just egocentric idiots. I always admired how calmly he took insults: I admit that without him I would have spent some nights behind bars.

When we arrived to the deck we said our goodbyes and set for the boats that were going to be our homes for the next months (they weren't difficult to find: Slytherin's figurehead was a cobra and Gryffindor's was a roaring lion). The first person I saw once I went on board was a tanned boy, tall and thin, more or less my own age, who was busy tidying up some ropes. He introduced himself as Remus Lupin, the first mate. When he found out what I wanted he excused himself for a moment and went to find the Captain, saying that I'd have to sign some papers before setting sail and leaving me terribly nervous. I was going to meet Captain McGonagall in person, Albus Dumbledore's left hand until he retired and a living legend among pirates! If half the things I knew about her were true, she was the bravest person ever and she had performed impossible deeds. I was expecting to see a young, athletic woman, so I was quite surprised when I found that she was middle aged, with a tight bun and a strict look, and looked more like a teacher at a lady's school than like a captain at a privateer's boat. Only the casualness with which she carried her sabre and something feline about her movements gave away her true career. With her came a motherly-looking woman, who was introduced to me as Madam Pomfrey, the ship's surgeon.

We didn't spend too much time with bureaucracy. If I'm completely honest, I would have signed almost anything to get into that boat, and the contract was like every other I'd ever seen: it stated how the decisions were made, how much we were going to earn, how the bounty would be distributed (just in case there was one)… There was only one clause I had never seen before, that held that no one was to run and leave a comrade helpless, no matter what. Once we had finished, McGonagall called the rest of the crew to the deck to introduce them to me. They were a small group, but very diverse. 'Mad-Eye' Moody, the gunner, was the stereotypical buccaneer: gruff and covered with scars, he had a wooden leg and a glass eye that he liked to roll whenever he got the chance. The only other woman, Marlene McKinnon, was gorgeous, with ebony skin, big blue eyes and an even bigger smile that moved with that grace only posessed by those from the Caribbean, making everyone turn around to watch her as she passed by. The cook, Peter Pettigrew, was exactly the opposite. Short and chubby, he had the admirable ability (it was really very useful!) to mold with the environment and not be seen. And last but not least, Gideon and Fabian, the Prewett twins, so alike that even now I find it difficult to tell them apart.

Later that day, while I was helping Marlene, Mad-Eye and Remus to load the gunpowder barrels I suddenly heard a voice saying: -Well, it looks like we've finally enlisted a woman worthy of me! – and I felt an arm wrapping around my waist. For a moment everything turned red. I recognized that tone, so conceited and full of itself; it was the same whose owner Severus had forced me to spare not so long ago. In the blink of an eye he had a dagger on his throat and an arm behind his back. –If you try to touch me ever again I'll cut your balls and hang them on the mast, am I making myself clear?- I growled, thrilled to see a mixture of fear, respect and a bit of admiration cross his eyes as he nodded. It wasn't until I broke eye contact and let him drop that I realized all the on-lookers were laughing their heads off. –You're right, mate, that's indeed a girl worthy of you! - sniggered the other stranger.-How much time has passed since someone rejected you, since you were four?-

-Lily, these are our resident troublemakers – I heard Remus say-. The one you have threatened so enthusiastically is James Potter, and this one over here is Sirius Black. Guys, this is Lily Evans, our new recruit. Although something makes me think you had already met, judging on your reactions… Well, boys, what's new on shore? Did you find anything interesting?-

While the others chatted, I took my time to get a good look at them (till then I was too busy planning how to torture them slowly and painfully to think about their appearance). Like Moody, Sirius looked as if he had popped from a pirate's novel, but this time from one of those stupid love stories my friends liked to read when we were little. He had jet black hair tied on a loose ponytail, a golden earring and features like a Greek statue. He was handsome, if he was your type. He reminded me too much of a porcelain figure, so dressed up and so perfect. Potter, on the other hand, seemed as if he had just woken up. While Black wore an embroidered justacorps and a feathered hat, he stood his ground with a simple white shirt. Truth be told, if he hadn't had that air of superiority, he would have been a pretty attractive boy, with his mop of messy hair and his glasses.

We hadn't been there for long when McGonagall arrived, probably having heard the ruckus the newcomers were making. I couldn't help but notice the way they squared up when she reminded them, with an ice-cold voice, that they were supposed to go to her cabin as soon as they were on board. Then, without any delay, she asked them what their orders were. Presented with this question, James chuckled and answered:

-His Lordship the Great Governor of the Phoenix Island Sir Albus Dumbledore's orders are simple: we have to find, defeat and capture, dead or alive, Lord Voldemort.

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**A/N:** Well, what do you think? This is my first fanfiction, as well as my first attempt of a long story (and at romance), so I'll appreciate any criticism, especially elaborated ones. I promise that the only ones I won't take into account are going to be the sexist/homophobic/racist/the likes ones. Let's see if you are nicer that my Spanish readers, so long I haven't got any reviews, and it's kind of disappointing… :(


	2. The lady loves me

**A/N: **I'm sorry I've taken this long to update. I'm not going to abandon this story, I swear, it's just that with the combined efforts of my exams and my innate laziness I hadn't found time to write. With a bit of luck I'll finish this during the summer holidays. I have to say, though, that a few reviews would help me to find the will to continue quicker (hint, hint)… Meanwhile, I'd recommend you to read **Red Amongst the Blue**, it's an AU fic similar to this one but much better (yeah, this is a shameless advertisement, I admit it).

**Disclaimer: **If Harry Potter was mine I assure you that Sirius wouldn't have been killed by a tapestry (seriously, Rowling, what kind of death is that?), the Weasley twins would be immortal and Lupin and Tonks wouldn't have left behind an orphan in the last book. I also don't own any Elvis Presley songs, nor beautiful Anne Bonny's photos from **Black Sails**. I got my inspiration for the interactions between James and Lily from **Summer Surprise**, too.

**Beta and translation helper: **my mom. Anyway, if you see anything difficult to understand, or badly phrased, or even spelled wrong, please, please tell me!

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_-The lady's got a crush on me._

_-The gentleman's crazy, obviously._

_-The lady's dying to be kissed._

_-The gentleman needs a psychiatrist._

_I'd rather kiss a rattlesnake _

_Or play Russian roulette!_

_-The lady loves me, but she doesn't know it yet._

Elvis Presley and Ann Margaret, "The lady loves me"

* * *

It didn't take too much effort to get used to the routine on the Gryffindor. At sunrise I got up, I washed a bit (fresh water is far too precious when at sea to be wasted on vanities: if my sister Petunia had seen me, she'd probably fainted, fashion-obsessed as she is) and I started my daily duties. If I had any time left I usually practiced my aiming with Mad-Eye, or engaged on mock-duels with McGonagall. That was the only ability from my former life that I still found useful: thanks to the fencing classes my parents allowed me to take after a lot of begging (and a little bit of blackmail, but let's keep that a secret, ok?) and to my own enthusiasm about it, the Captain was the only one who could keep up with me. I waited for those encounters impatiently, because our styles were completely different, and that made it a lot more interesting. My classical training meant that my technique was far more polished, while her methods were less ethical but equally effective. That way, when we started a fight we couldn't know for sure who was going to win… I spent the rest of my time with the crew. I connected quickly with Marlene and the twins, and we became quite inseparable. I also made friends with Remus: apart from being an old salt, he had a love for sarcastic comebacks and an ability to come up with witty remarks that made talking with him a pleasure. His only (big) flaw? His friends. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter, the Marauders, as they liked to call themselves. Peter wasn't so bad when he was alone, and he also was one hell of a good cook (usually you had to be thankful if ship meals weren't poisonous, but in this case you felt like having more), but the other two were simply insufferable. Potter apparently considered Black's remark a challenge, and he never lost an opportunity to "seduce" me. From tavern-like compliments to gentlemanly gestures, from panegyrics about himself to attempts on looking pitiful, he tried every trick in the book. And I have to admit, in a hundred feet long ship, he got the chance to do so _far too often. _Luckily for everyone, he seemed to have taken my threat seriously and he resigned himself to be as unbearable as possible from a distance, so nobody got injured.

Anyway, I must say that they never failed to surprise me. A few days after our departure I discovered, during a very frustrating conversation with my so-called friends (they misled me with purposely ambiguous sentences until I threatened to throw them in the sea), that Sirius and Remus were more than friends: they were a couple. What was that the first mate saw in that obnoxious peacock, which was a complete flirt before they started dating, according to Marlene, I did not know, but there was obviously something. Even though they were discreet (something I'm sure we all were thankful for, given the lack of space and privacy inherent to a vessel), it wasn't difficult to notice the way Lupin's expression softened every time he mentioned Black, or the fact that the said sailor disappeared often during the night and was found in the morning in the first mate's cabin. I must admit that sometimes I got a little jealous. My wandering life and my fiery temper never were of much help if I was to look for anything longer than a one-night-stand (though if everyone interested in me was like James, I'd rather stay celibate all my life!)

And so the days passed, until we got to the inlet in Tortuga where we had our rendez-vous with the Slytherin, which had a few errands to do before joining us. But the day came and went, and there were no signs of the other boat. Used as I was to the merchant ships' punctuality, I couldn't help growing more and more restless, in spite of my friends' words, telling me that in this kind of business delays were almost inevitable. That's the reason why, when she finally came, I was the first to see her. But when I raised the alarm and the Captain came with her spyglass, the news turned to be quite unpleasant. Even though the vessel was truly the Slytherin (that figurehead was unmistakable), her flag wasn't the emblem Dumbledore had made famous all over the seven seas, but the skull and the snake that marked Voldemort's fleet. Our allies had changed sides. Next to me I heard Sirius mutter darkly: "I told them that making Bellatrix first mate was an imprudent idea…". I suppressed a shiver: Bellatrix Lestrange was famous for her cruelty. Rumor had it that she didn't kill when necessary, but just for fun, and that whenever she had the time she liked to torture her victims before ending them. I couldn't help thinking about Sev, trapped in a ship with that lunatic and forced to sail under the Dark Mark. I had to get him out of there.

With that in mind I decided to approach Snape as soon as I could. If what I saw in Phoenix was any indication, there was the distinct possibility that James or Sirius would try to deal personally with him, and I didn't want to see him get hurt… I have to admit that I was really nervous. It was my first battle as a buccaneer, and it was quite imposing! But I had to concentrate on Sev. He had taken care of me countless times, and now it was my turn to do so. At the moment the only thing we could do was take our positions and wait till the other ship was within range. She didn't hesitate: as soon as they could they fired a broadside that Moody immediately returned with one of our own. However, she didn't get long to be so close that cannons stopped being an asset and started being a suicide (if you have ever seen a magazine exploding you know what I mean), and the other crew boarded the Gryffindor. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sirius engaging in a fight with a younger and smaller version of himself, surely his brother (Who hadn't heard the story of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, of their fall in disgrace in Court when their contacts with slave traders were made public and of their younger son's vow to do anything it took to return the family's fortune?). But my attention was turned to finding Severus. When I saw him jump on our deck I ran towards him and attacked him with everything I had. Taking advantage of the noise and confusion around us I told him briefly about my plan to get him out of the Slytherin. Once the battle was over and we were safe (our forces were way too similar for anyone to really win), it wouldn't take me too much effort to convince my mates that he hadn't served Voldemort on his own accord. To my surprise, he laughed (a cruel, cold laugh I had only heard directed to those he found despicable, and _never _to me) and said, as he intensified his attack so much I feared for my life:

"Who told you I'm here against my will? Did you really think I'd spend my life taking orders from a senile old man who hides behind a royal pardon the moment things get ugly? Dumbledore is a parody of a pirate who never had the guts to do what he had to do. Oh, no, I'm going to make my father proud: I'm going to prosper under the command of a true privateer, one that doesn't hesitate to do whatever it takes to prevent a prey from escaping!"

I couldn't believe my own ears. Could it be true that he had joined Voldemort of his own free will? There wasn't much doubt, as he had no reasons to lie to me… Did I know my best friend so little that I had missed something this big? I knew Sev had a more lax moral sense and colder blood than I had, but I always thought his good heart would stand in the way of those tendencies… But I forced myself to push those thoughts to the back of my mind: I had far more urgent problems. Severus had improved since the last time I fought with him, and that, mixed with the fact that I didn't want to hurt him (a problem he didn't seem to have), was leading me to a highly dangerous situation. As I remembered that his biggest flaw in fencing was that he got distracted easily, I tried to make him talk, even though every word he said shattered my heart a little more. No matter what songs say, nobody ever died from a broken heart, but a lot of people did because of a gash on the chest, and I wasn't in the mood for kicking the bucket yet.

By the time Bellatrix ordered her crew to retreat I was bordering my limits. If the battle had lasted even five minutes more I don't know what I'd have done, if I'd dropped my sword and punched him or if I'd broken down and cried instead. What I do know is what happened once the last enemy left the ship (after that son of a bitch bid me goodbye with the sentence "don't look at me as though I had hurt you, we all know gingers don't have a soul…"): I ran to the hold, where no one was likely to search for me, and I crumbled. Was I crying out of sadness, out of anger, out of anguish? I could not say. Probably out of a bit of all of those. The only thing I'm sure of is that it took me quite a long time to recover enough to go back on deck. Once I was a little calmer I dried my eyes and I steeled myself for the questions that would surely arise upon my mysterious disappearance. But when I found the rest I discovered that we had greater problems: the Slytherins had taken Peter as their prisoner.

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**A/N: **I have the feeling that this looks more like a summary than a real story, so if anyone wants to take this plot and develop it, I'd be glad. I'd only ask you to tell me about it: I'd love to read an extended version of this!


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